Shoot 'Em up
by fourwalls
Summary: A prank was pulled on Yamato that sent women, and maybe Men running after him, all according to Kakashi's plan. T- for language, some pairings inside.


Naruto slid out of his bed. He rubbed his eyes to clear his still sleep clouded vision and checked the time, it was twelve midnight. He lazily padded towards his bathroom to relieve the pressure on his bladder.

He yawned on his way.

He turned on the bathroom light and proceeded on doing what he was supposed to. A stream of water passed and he felt a shiver run along his spine. After he felt that he drained everything, he turned towards his sink to wash his hands.

"Naruto..." A creepy familiar voice said behind him.

Naruto shot his eyes on the mirror in front of him to see the ghoulish image of Captain Yamato.

"Yamato-taicho...?"

He turned to look behind him. No one. He slowly turned to look again in the mirror. Teeth clattering, the face was still there, but now it was a few inches closer. How was that even virtually possible?

He screamed.

Naruto suddenly shot up from his bed, still screaming, and realized he was still on his bed. He blinked once, then another time. It was only a dream.

He chuckled, relief washing all over him.

He rubbed his eyes with his knuckles and then turned on his bedside lamp. The clock says 11:59, a minute before midnight. He suddenly realizes that he feels a pressure on his bladder, that he needs to pee. He turned his gaze on the corridor leading to the restroom. It suddenly looked longer, and with foreboding shadows. He felt the hairs on his spine stand on its edges.

"I am being silly." Naruto encouraged himself. But when he was about to slide down from his bed, he imagined the creepy voice of Captain Yamato, and pulled his feet up back at his bed. The voice seemed to become louder that Naruto pulled his blanket over his head. Forget his freaking bladder.

"Damn you, Yamato-taicho..." Naruto whined.

He fell asleep sometime after, without turning off the lights. Without a doubt, he began dreaming again, or more accurately, fell into a nightmare.

Yamato would have been very pleased to see his effect on Naruto, only he was brewing another horror in another place, unintentionally.

-O-

Kakashi lifted his eyes from his Icha Icha book and followed Yamato's hand, then at his bobbing Adam's apple as the mokuton user drank his third sake bottle straight.

He caught Anko's eye and the woman just shrugged with exasperation. He found that all around his table, Kurenai, Maito Gai, Genma and Shizune were all watching the same thing, wearing the same expression, and probably expecting what he also knew is about to come.

Yamato set down the bottle on the table with a loud thud. He took a deep breath and a lively pink color dusted his cheeks.

"Cute." Kakashi said, not without sarcasm. He pretended to put his full attention on his book, but kept watch at his kohai. _Any minute now... any minute now_, he thought.

The man cannot handle alcohol well and yet he stubbornly drinks more than he could. Kakashi could already predict what is going to happen next.

"Sempai..." The guy started.

Kakashi did not answer. He refuses to encourage him.

Genma leaned forward in anticipation, he already looked amused.

"Honestly, I don't get it." Yamato said, without any hint of a slur.

Kakashi was surprised by how serious Yamato sounded that he suddenly doubted if the younger shinobi was drunk. What were they talking about again? Everyone else had the same reaction, even Genma, their long time drinking buddy leaned back and frowned. It was startling considering they all knew that Yamato was already tipsy after his first bottle.

Surely, Genma was expecting something entertaining at this point of time, while Kakashi was thinking along the lines of something stupid.

When did his alcohol tolerance go up?

Everyone was looking at Kakashi in anticipation, clearly conveying the message that they want answers, and it was his responsibility to hand it over to them. He caved in to the peer pressure and cautiously clarified, eyes still on his Icha Icha series. "You don't get what?"

Yamato thoughtfully turned to look at him as he faked his disinterest. Yamato stared at him for a few seconds. Kakashi felt his kohai's eyes sweeping over him methodically, measuring him.

Yamato crossed his arms over his chest then said indignantly, "You are not as cool and good looking as you think."

So it had started and everyone almost fell out of their chair. They won't hear anything close to this from a sober Yamato but right now it's not like they were expecting something logical from the hammered shinobi.

Genma's amused smile returned to his face and he popped a senbon in his mouth. "This is going to be good." He said to no one in particular.

Anko just giggled. Shizune smirked. So did Kurenai.

"I don't know what you are talking about." Kakashi sighed and brought the book up his face.

"Acting like your almighty and all that, thinking all the women would swoon over you!" Yamato's voice was already a pitch higher and louder. He gave a sideways glance at Shizune, who understood what it meant and blushed and looked down shyly.

It just made Yamato all the more furious, Kakashi observed.

Lucky for Shizune, Kakashi wasn't a very keen observer on these kinds of things, and maybe for Yamato, who wouldn't have to endure the Shizune's wrath if Kakashi understood what it meant.

Shizune was regretful that she wasn't very careful in hiding her stolen photos of the silver haired shinobi, and was also regretful that she asked Yamato to help her look for the missing scroll in her office that one time. That one, cursed time.

"Yamato!" She warned.

The Mokuton user looked at Shizune in front of him then stopped, suddenly feeling embarrassed. Nobody caught the jealous glare he sent his sempai.

"If only they knew what you really are sempai, when we are alone..."

"Like what?" Genma prodded. "Like he is really the uke, and you are the seme?"

Gai and Shizune blinked at him, for a different reason. Gai for lack of understanding, and Shizune for wanting confirmation. Her dreams hang on to the answer to this.

Genma received a very hard head slap from Kakashi who was sitting beside him. "Idiot."

"What? It would really be a drop in your popularity points since most of the things in fanfiction pictures you the seme." He explained dumbly. "Besides, the stronger guy usually goes seme.

Kakashi shot him a warning glare. Genma just shrugged innocently.

Yamato was just frowning, clearly not comprehending. "What's seme?"

Kakashi ignored him and asked Genma accusingly, "Wait, how come you know so much about this?" He then moved his chair a few inches away from Genma.

"Hey! I am not gay!" Genma protested.

"Sure you're not." Anko giggled with a roll of her eyes.

"I am not! It's just, I had two girlfriends who love the stuff, sometimes they force me to read, or we won't do it." Genma was on the defensive.

"Riiiight..." It was the sultry voice of Kurenai. She then took a dainty drink from her cup.

"I am serious!"

"So going back to the topic," Anko started, "What is Kakashi like?" She was curious.

"Tenzou." It was a warning from Kakashi.

But Yamato's drunken mind was not able to process it. He took a swig from his fourth bottle and poised himself.

"For one his life revolves around his no good pervy porn books. What does that say about a man?"

Everyone visibly deflated, including Maito Gai. It was very _very_ anti-climactic.

"Tell us what we don't know."

Yamato thought for a moment. "Uhm... Did you know that his dogs bully him to sleep on his couch while they occupy his bed?"

"My youthful friend," Gai answered, "That's old news. I think it's even more interesting to know that when Lady Tsunade passes by, he scratches his –"

Kakashi was suddenly in front of him, his visible eye crinkled in a nervous smile as he forcefully cupped Gai's mouth with his hands to stop him from talking. Talk about disgusting.

It was unbelievable how they were talking about him like he was not even there. His so called friends, what traitors, then chuckled in embarrassment. Thankfully, the masked concealed that.

"I already knew that!" Genma flipped the senbon in his mouth lazily. "He does that with every female that is well endowed." He gestured two circles around his chest.

"Really?" The three females simultaneously asked. If you were going to analyze closer, the thing they really wanted to ask is if he does that when they happen to pass by.

"Yep." Genma answered.

Kakashi scratched the back of his head and went back to his chair. He was already devising a plan to get out of there when things get out of hand. When, not if.

The three women shrugged as if not surprised. Shizune looked more like disappointed.

"That's the great Kakashi-sempai for you." Yamato said in a tone that was disapproving. "Speaking of women," he then turned to Anko, pointing a wooden finger at her chest, "Sempai once told me you've got great tits when he saw you naked at the bathhouse, but not as nice as Ku-"

Again, Kakashi found his hand cupped on another man's mouth, the second time that night. But it was out before he could really do anything to stop it. Underneath his mask, his mouth hung open. He really should have left when he had a chance. His visible eye was wide in shock. He chuckled dumbly, and patted Yamato's back which looked like a fond gesture, but the force got stronger after each strike.

"You really like to make up stories, don't you Tenzou?" Kakashi said with a nervous laugh.

"What are you talking about Sempai?" The younger jonin blinked at him in confusion.

Genma was doing all he could to keep himself from bursting from laughing. The copy-nin is as good as dead.

Gai was looking back and forth from Kakashi to Yamato to Anko and back. Shizune looks like she is about to break the small sake cup from her tight grip. Kurenai just shrugged and took a sip from her sake.

Anko was sitting calmly eyes closed as if she did not hear anything, if only her temples did not throb visibly.

Kakashi knew this should be his cue to leave, and was already slowly putting chakra on his feet.

Anko stood. Nobody missed the fact that she had a very sharp stick on her hand from where the dangos were skewered earlier. She opened her eyes and gave Kakashi a deathly glare. "For your information Kakashi, my boobies were voted number one best in Konoha Shinobi Weekly!"

Kakashi's jaw dropped, he was sure he was not expecting that answer.

"That is what I told him." Yamato seconded without taking a hint.

Kakashi really wished his anbu comrade would just shut up.

"And..." She drawled. "I don't take lightly to voyeurs." Anko finally said and the dango stick flew at Kakashi with charge of chakra.

And that was the answer he was expecting. He disappeared in a cloud of smoke before the stick connected. So did Anko.

"Where did they go?" Yamato asked, without a clue to the ruckus he caused.

But thanks to him, it would be a long deadly night for the Copy-nin Hatake Kakashi.

-O-

After a night of being chased, of leaving some buildings, thankfully unoccupied, destroyed, and some bruises and scratched on his arms and legs from deflecting Anko's attacks, and a Kunai threatening to open the skin on his neck, Kakashi's adventure finally ended. Or was it temporary?

He was walking on the streets of Konoha, on a time he considered too early for him. He was barely able to sleep for fear of his life, after last night's or was it this morning's escapade. Anko did leave him alone after but he wasn't sure how long it would last, his paranoia driving him awake. Every small rustle alerted him.

He made a note to himself that that would be the last time he is going to steal a peek at the woman's bath house, or at least it would be the last time he is going to tell that no good Tenzou. He was a trustworthy subordinate and keeper of secrets but there was just no telling when he got drunk. Kakashi knew he would not be able to control his drinking exploits.

He rubbed the back of his neck and stretched it sideways. At least he was alive.

Kakashi pulled his Icha Icha from his pocket and proceeded on the streets as if nothing happened, but still keeping his guard. Just in case...

He was passing by the Ichiraku Ramen house when he caught a shock of golden hair, and a very _very _interesting conversation. He backtracked and turned his head towards the inside.

"So yeah, Sakura-chan, I hate it when Yamato-taicho does that so I would like to somehow get back at him."

So it wasn't only him who wanted to get back at wood user.

"Look Naruto, even if we enlisted Sai's help, we wouldn't be able to bring down Yamato-taicho by ourselves." Sakura said.

"True."Naruto answered thoughtfully. "How about Kakashi-sensei?"

"Yes?" Kakashi butted in without warning.

Both Naruto and Sakura jumped in surprise. They slowly turned behind to face their original sensei. Sakura paled.

"I wonder what the two of you are up to?" Kakashi had a thoughtful hand on his chin.

"Nothing, nothing sensei." Sakura waved her hands.

"Really?"

Kakashi stowed the book back in his pocket and stalked closer.

"We wanted to pull a prank on Yamato-taicho, and we want your help." Naruto explained, arms crossed over his chest, trying to act tough.

Kakashi looked at the two of them, expression unreadable. Sakura smiled nervously.

"I told him it was a bad idea..."

Kakashi put his hand under his chin. Naruto and Sakura were already waiting to be reprimanded in some way. What they heard next surprised them beyond words.

"Do you have a plan?" Kakashi asked.

Naruto clapped his hands in celebration and smiled widely. He proceeded on explaining his prank. It involved water, lots of it, and a very long hose.

And probably some explosions.

Kakashi thought about it for a moment. "That wouldn't work." He said finally.

"You have a better idea?" Sakura asked.

"As a matter of fact, I do."

Kakashi put an arm around both of their shoulders and they formed a small circle and started strategizing.

Somewhere in Konoha, a just awakened, very hung over Yamato cannot stop from sneezing.

He rubbed his nose and sniffed, the headache doubling. "I've got a very bad feeling about this." He said.

-O-

Yamato awoke to the sound of chirping of birds singing sweetly as they were perched on treetops. The sun was also hovering directly above him, shielded only some branches of large trees. He again closed his still heavy lids.

He also heard the giggling of women close by and the click of a camera. That was when he felt something odd, very odd. It was like his mind was telling him something wasn't right. Like he should be seeing his ceiling and not the leaves and the branches, and that there wasn't supposed to be women _that_ close by.

He felt a cool breeze touch the skin all over his body. That was when he knew things are really bad.

His eyes flung wide open and he shot up from his bed. His eyes were wide open in horror as he realized he was in the middle of the garden of the Jonin headquarters, and surrounded by many onlookers, clearly amused by something: namely him.

He followed the gaze of one of the women who was blushing and was looking his body up and down, and found that he was practically naked. His manhood only partially covered by a loincloth.

Yamato almost screamed out and tore his hair due to a myriad of undefined emotions, mostly embarrassment and anger for the one who is behind this.

He saw the multiple flashes coming from multiple cameras. He performed a speedy series of hand seals and branches shot out from his body. It aimed perfectly at the cameras and he broke them all.

The swarm started complaining.

He then transformed his face into something horrifying, using the sunlight to cast eerie shadows on his face and he turned to all the onlookers. They all breathed in sharply and stopped what they were doing. The mob took a step back.

"GO THE FUCK AWAY!" Yamato screamed, and they all scrambled away scared shitless.

"Now who is complaining he doesn't have enough admirers."

Yamato sharply turned to see Anko perched above the tree, Odangos on her hand. She gave Yamato a satisfied smirk.

"What are you talking about?" Yamato pulled his loincloth up, desperately thinking of ways on how to make it cover more skin.

"Of course you don't remember, not after how drunk you were last night." Anko replied, laughing. She sent a meaningful look on his covered anatomy.

Yamato blushed but kept a levelled facade.

"Do you know who did this?" he asked to divert the attention elsewhere.

Anko tilted her head in thought. "I might have a clue, but I am not telling." She replied playfully.

"Why not?"

"Why should I, thanks to that person, I am having quite a _bulk_ of magnificent view."

Yamato frowned. Anko smirked at him. They just looked at each other defiantly, waiting for the other to give up.

Yamato sighed with resignation. "You are impossible." That earned him only a low chuckle from the kunoichi who was doing little to hide the fact that she was admiring his package.

Someone appeared lazily behind Yamato. "Yamato taicho." The person said.

Yamato turned to face him to see a Shikamaru looking in all directions but him.

"What is it?" Again, Yamato pretended to not care for the little clothing that he is wearing.

"Lady Tsunade asks for you. She says it's urgent."

"What is it all about?"

"She did not tell." Shikamaru answered, stubbornly keeping his eyes from trailing below Yamato's neck.

"I'll go get dressed first."

"No." Shikamaru stopped him, "She told me that you need to go to her without delay."

Anko giggled from the tree top. Yamato was already growing suspicious, but did not say a word. He made some hand seals then slapped his hands against the ground. A small wooden barrel slowly rose from the soil.

He saw from the expression on Shikamaru's face was that the last thing he wanted right now was to be associated with him. He could not blame the chuunin. The last thing Yamato wanted to be right now was himself.

"I'm ready." He said.

"Let's go."

"Have a nice trip." Anko annoyingly waved.

The two of them leapt from rooftop to rooftop, garnering stares from people down below. It was the longest trip Yamato felt that he had. Shikamaru, surprisingly leapt with a larger distance, obviously not wanting to be anywhere near the barrel clothed Shinobi.

Yamato wished he could burry himself somewhere for the moment, and just resurface when they forgot his face.

The landed softly on the hokage building and went into the window through the corridor.

Shikamaru led the way and knocked at the door then opened it. He gestured for Yamato to go in, then he stayed behind.

Inside, Tsunade was signing paperwork and Shizune was carrying more towards her desk. He cleared his throat to make them aware of his presence.

Tsunade looked up then her eyes remained on the barrel. Shizune shook her head, conveying frustration.

"Put down the barrel." Tsunade said flatly, as if it was the most normal greeting in the world.

"What?"

"I said put down the barrel. I want to see what is the cause of all the commotion reported to me outside."

Yamato sighed and complied.

Shizune let out a yelp, and then covered her mouth. She was already turning pink.

Tsunade's mouth curved into a lopsided grin. "I see."

Yamato was already red up to the ears from all the scrutiny that he received from the two females in the room.

"So, what made you decide to be an exhibitionist?"

"I am not an exhibitionist!" Yamato protested.

"Really? Then explain what I am seeing."

Yamato tried to recall what happened earlier, and recounted it out loud. He remembered walking around Konoha, canvassing shops for a new fertilizer when he met Kakashi on the road.

That is it, he suddenly figured. Kakashi. He did not know how he did it, but he knew it was Kakashi.

"Kakashi-sempai must have slipped something on my drink that made me pass out, stripped me and put me on display. I am sure it is him."

"How sure are you?"

"There is no one else I can reasonably think of. Plus, he was the last person I remember talking to before waking up in _this._" Yamato pointed at his generous clothing.

"But during the time that you said this happened," Tsunade explained hooking her fingers, "Kakashi has always been here at the office, thirty minutes before, and an hour after of the claimed time you mentioned."

"It must be a Kage-bunshin."

"Are you telling me I cannot differentiate between the clone and the real thing?" Tsunade looked at him harshly.

Yamato waved his hands in front of him. "No, no, no. I didn't mean that... it must be my mistake..." Though he was sure he could detect that it was the real Kakashi that he talked to earlier. He did not fight, in fear of enraging the powerful woman in front.

"Fine." Tsunade answered. "I am convinced that it is not your fault. You may leave, and don't forget to get dressed."

"Is that all you called me for Tsunade-sama?"

"Why? Do you have anything more to say Tenzou?"

"Are we not going to look for whoever did this?"

"It's only a minor incident, but we'll leave a notice for it just in case." Tsunade answered then went back to his paperwork.

Yamato slumped, and shook his head. He thought that the Hokage might put more importance in it. "I'll take my leave. Thank you Tsunade-sama."

He picked up the barrel he had earlier and went inside it, and left the office.

After he left, Tsunade evilly smiled and said. "Did you get that?"

Kakashi emerged from the windows outside tossing a camera from one hand to another. "Yes, and good ones too."

"Poor thing." Shizune commented, but really did not intend to do anything about it.

He handed over the camera to the hokage and she skimmed over the photos, he slipped a few photo print in Tsunade's hands.

"Congratulate Sakura on her sleeping gas, it worked well." Tsunade said.

"The message would be relayed Tsunade-sama." Kakashi smiled. He then turned to Shizune. "Do you also want to keep some of the pictures?"

Shizune shook her head violently, blushing and embarrassed.

"Hand them over to Naruto, and ask him to send it to _them, _they'd surely love new inputs." Tsunade commanded, still smiling.

Kakashi nodded obediently and disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

"I think it'll be a big hit." Tsunade said particularly referring to a photo where Yamato was in bed, about to wake up, eyes half lidded, an arm above his head, abs showing all the right muscles. Kakashi already gave her a personal copy, as she requested. "Don't you think so Shizune?" She handed over to her the photograph.

Shizune who was looking over her shoulder coloured a vivid shade of red, and just nodded as she felt her throat go dry with the photograph in the hokage's hand.

"It's almost as if it was choreographed. He is a natural." Tsunade mused.

-O-

The rest of the week was uneventful for Yamato, except for a few hushed gossips every now and then pertaining to _that_ event. He still saw other women blush when he passes by, and maybe other men... but overall, they kept quiet about it, lest they incur the wrath of the Jonin which easily accompanied the stories after what he did.

It was a bit flattering, Yamato thought, but most of the time, it was just insane. Yamato, being the anbu captain that he was, was not used to so much attention and is seeker to the confines of solitude, secrecy and blending in. Too bad now, he was well known all over the place, reputation quickly tailing that of the Copy-nin.

He sighed. Damn them.

By now, he already knew of their reasons for doing their so-called revenge and he thought that it was sort of justified. The prank pulled on him doesn't even amount to having Anko threatening to kill you if she ever sees you look at her in a way she doesn't approve of, so he and his sempai called it even, though it's really not.

He only laughed when he heard of Naruto's reason. He was somehow happy that his scare-tactics still worked, even without him doing anything.

Sakura, she doesn't have much of a reason, but Yamato really can't make himself be angry at the pink-haired kunoichi.

He was just glad that it was over... Or so he thought.

He was walking idly on the streets of Konoha heading towards a barbeque shop to meet Team 7. He was only a few feet away when he saw Kurenai and Kakashi talking, and there was something mischievous on his sempai's eye when he turned to wave at him.

It made Yamato stop on his tracks. He knew that look. Something was coming up.

He didn't notice the teen girl who walked up to him until she tugged her by the sleeves. He turned to look at the girl.

"Jonin-san" she said, then she pulled out a magazine, it was Konoha Kunoichi Weekly. "Can I have your autograph?"

"Uhmmm.." He was dumbstruck. "Sure." But he really wasn't sure what the magazine was for until he saw the picture in the cover. He knew he recognized the face, until he realized, it was him, dressed in a little piece of white cloth, posed like a porn star. It also said beside the pictures, _more inside._

The blood from his face drained concurrently with the dropping of his jaw.

Then he heard Kakashi's voice announcing something inside the barbecue shop.

"Ladies," Kakashi said, hands poised beside his mouth to act as amplifiers, "No. 1 sexiest shinobi of the week, Captain Yamato is right here, you can go have a piece of him!"

_Say what?_ Yamato's sanity asked. Then he heard the stampede of feet of hungry raving women, and he snapped back to attention. Instinct took over and he leapt up and ran to save his ass, literally.

It took a good few hours of dodging, running, and doing substitution no jutsu before he was able to lose all his stalkers. Now Kakashi and he are definitely even.

He landed softly on the balcony of his apartment and entered. He quickly closed all the blinds and curtains before someone sees him inside. He bolted all the locks for all they were worth. After he doubled checked the security of his home, he slumped and slid down to sit on the floor, too tired to even make his way towards the couch.

"Crazy day..." he muttered to himself.

"It sure was." A woman's voice answered, then a lampshade lighted.

Yamato's eyes widened. "Anko!"

She stood and stalked towards him. He was too tired to move away. He noticed that she was no longer wearing her yellow jacket and her body was only covered by the netted undershirts they wear. He gulped.

"I didn't need to chase you around to know where to find you." She seductively purred. "I guess I am no less immune to your manly charm as the other women of Konoha, but, can you blame me?"

Her eyes swept slowly across his body, and she dropped to one knee.

Yamato held his breath, aroused by the sight in front of him. Anko did not fail to notice and she gave him a voracious smirk, tongue sliding over her teeth.

She held him by the chin and captured his mouth in a wet kiss.

Yamato was unable to fight due to exhaustion from the day's events... or was it really?

* * *

This is my statement saying we need more Yamato, more fanfics, more anime appearance, and more canon importance. The guy deserves more attention.

Tell me what you think. **REVIEWS ARE HIGHLY ENCOURAGED**. This is a fanservice and some light reading, nothing serious obviously... I might make some more Yamato fics in the future...


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